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Vikki Miles |
In January I was made a new Director of Insight. It wasn't a decision I undertook lightly, partly because I haven't always been confident in my abilities and as I especially worry about what other people think.
The first thing I did was buy 'The Directors Handbook' from the Institute of Directors, and I haven't had time to turn the cover. Besides, the book didn't hold the answers I was looking for.
I look at my fellow Directors and see such knowledge and experience. I would be lying to you if I wasn't terrified that I wouldn't meet their expectations. Insight has been running for the last 30 years and the responsibility I feel to continue it's success is measurable. So after the first couple of weeks I had what I call 'a wobble'.
Just to give you an idea about a day in the life of me. I wake up (6:30am) usually to the sound of my son playing Star Wars in his bedroom, I grab my phone and log in to my email. To coin a phrase from the TV show 'Gavin and Stacey' to see "What's occurring". Then it's on the Twitter account for Insight - I moderate the account, so I see if we have any new followers and have a quick scan though to see if there is anything worth retweeting or favouriting for later. By then, my son has normally cottoned on to the fact I'm awake and he pretty much has my attention for the next 2 hours.
After school drop off, it's knuckle down time.
I usually start with emails, then on to whatever project I'm involved in. Here is my current project mind map. Lots of 'plate spinning' putting my personal effectiveness to the test...
So what was my 'wobble' about? A lack of confidence in myself, panic that I can't do everything, along with the learning curve of being a Director (business plan and finances!). During this panicky moment I thought to myself;
'I can't do this!'
'What does a Director do?'
'What do others expect me to do?'
Then, it dawned on me...I don't have the answers (does any Director)? I can only do what I can do, to the best of my ability and other people believe in me.
The last one clinched it for me. John, Terry and Liza see something in me, probably that I don't see in myself. They know I work hard and I'm capable. Even though, I still have the occasional nightmare that I haven't passed my degree and forgot to sit one of my exams!
It really came down to the following;
Does a new job title make a difference to the way I'm going to tackle what I have to do?
Not really.
Do people expect you to know everything immediately?
No.
I'm learning and I have 3 expert guides to suck knowledge from as I go.
After I reconciled the above thankfully the 'Wobble' was over.
John, Terry and Liza show such confidence in what 'I can bring to the table' that I might just have to start believing them. And look they're all smiling!
